Here we are, 3-ish weeks since a national emergency was declared due to the COVID-19 crisis. Most of us are at home with our kids full time, with no end in sight. Some of us also have our spouses’ home, some working some not. So in addition to employee responsibilities, we are now full-time teachers, baby sitters, spouses and not to mention we are bored and lonely! Even if you aren’t working from home, this situation is still overwhelming for a multitude of reasons.
I’ll be the first to tell you that I was NOT prepared, nor was a built for this, and this is coming from someone who already works from home full time with a 14-month-old coworker. The first week of the national emergency was actually my daughter’s second week of spring break. Being at home with both of my kids and working full time was a challenge, and I knew it would be, but I was prepared to suffer for a few days. Then their spring break got extended another week… quickly followed by school being out for an additional 2 weeks after that… to ultimately school being out for the remainder of the school year. At this point I and a lot of other parents when into frenzy mode. Buying and downloading workbooks, searching for activities, creating a daily schedule, and then trying to execute said schedule while working full time and trying to keep the house clean!!
I’ll tell you right now, the first week I was motivated. The second week I was tired but determined. In the third week I was exhausted and in panic mode. But now, I see the world with new eyes! We are doing this ALL. WRONG.
Let me get you right.
What you don’t NEED to do during this pandemic
#1 You Don’t Need to Plan every minute of every day
It sounds like the perfect idea and for some, it might be! But if you work from home 40hrs+ a week it’s probably just not possible. I tried. I created a day plan for my one and four-year-old that was full of activities from 8 am-5 pm. I was able to do it, don’t get me wrong, the problem is how I felt during and afterward. I was living two lives and by the end of the day, I was exhausted and didn’t want anything to do with another human.
So, for the most part, I have ditched the schedule. What I’m doing instead is accomplishing a few key things like brushing teeth in the morning, eating key meals on a schedule and nap time. Otherwise, we get to the workbook, coloring or outside time when there is space and opportunity for it.
#2 You Don’t Need to Continue your child’s curriculum as if you have an education degree
Unless you went to school to become an educator, suddenly being a preschool, grade school and or high school teacher is going to be damn near impossible. I’m not saying don’t try! As parents, during this time we have a responsibility to help our kids adjust and also keep them in touch with their school’s goals and expectations. Many schools are doing online learning and sending work home and we should do our best to make sure those things are supported. But please do not take on the pressure of teaching an entire history and math book to your kids. 1. as I said before, you’re not a professional. 2. you are probably also working and mothering and wife-ing, relax. You don’t need to add principal and classroom teacher to that list. and 3. those kids are also going through a pandemic. They are battling all of the stress and uncertainty that comes along with not being in school and living during this time just as you are. It’s okay to give them a little space to deal.
#3 You Don’t Need to Finish that project you’ve been putting off
I’m not sure where this pressure to be the poster child of productivity is coming from… maybe social media… maybe our inner voice. But whatever the case may be, do not fall victim to it. Putting unnecessary pressure on yourself to finish things, be productive, start a business, or launch that not-for-profit organization will probably only lead to failure. Self-loathing will soon follow when you realize just because you can’t go outside doesn’t mean you can do 7 jobs at once. You can work on a special project now IF YOU WANT but you do not need to do that in order to be making the ‘most of you time’ during a national emergency.
#4 You Don’t Need to Be up under your kids all-day
Now that they are at home full time and constantly in our faces asking for things, talking, crying, etc… we may feel the need to supplement the free time now have due to school being out with more parental time. This is true in a sense, it’s great to be appreciative of the extra time we have to be around our kids and watch them grow BUT you still need to give yourself space. Kids are annoying, let’s just be honest. And we aren’t the best parents when we are tired, annoyed and frustrated. So yes, spend time with them and love on them but don’t feel the need to be with them 24/7. Stop mom shaming yourself!
#5 You Don’t Need to Be cheerful and happy 24/7
Let me say this again… we are currently under a national emergency. People are getting sick and dying. The world as we know it is changing. It’s okay to be grumpy! It’s okay to not be appreciative of something every second of the day. You are allowed to process the grief of a lost job, missing coworkers, missing family, missing Target lol This is a really uncertain time for most people and we shouldn’t be perpetuating toxic positivity.
#6 You Don’t Need to Lose weight/ get in shape
Just because you are home doesn’t mean that you need to create a home gym, work out schedule and start a keto diet. If you want to do those things, go crazy. But please avoid putting extra pressure on yourself to come out of this lockdown in the best shape of your life. I’ve already noticed a change in my appearance after weeks of not toting the kids to and from school, not going on weekend mall trips and not doing fun activities outside of the house. It takes constant work to not body shame myself into thinking I’m doing something wrong because I’ve gained weight due to inactivity and stress eating.
#7 You Don’t Need to Clean your entire house
I was one of those moms who always had a relatively clean house. The keyword is WAS. I was able to do this because I would clean up here and there during the day and sometimes in the evenings while my four-year-old was at school and while my toddler was asleep. Now, they are both here all the time. My husband is also home more and he just adds to the mess. Living in a messy home is a trigger for me. I feel stressed, claustrophobic and out of control when my home looks bad but I had to let it go. The constant cleaning, followed by the anger when I see that my work has been undone an hour later got exhausting real quick. Now I clean as necessary, I’ve lowered my expectations for how my home should look and I’m learning to be like Elsa and let it goooooo!
So those are my 7 things you don’t need to do. The ultimate point I want to drive home is to ensure that we come out of this still mentally, physically and spiritually healthy. Be kind to yourself and stay healthy! Here are a few things you can do to accomplish that
1. You Should laugh, a lot and loudly every day. There are so many memes online to help with this.
2. Get outside! I take my kids on a walk or just sit in the backyard a lot now. When we get tired of that we go find a grassy field and play tag. The change of scenery and fresh air helps everyone so much.
3. Get more sleep! You don’t have to get up and clean and be productive every day. Now is the time to rest. it’ll help your immune system and your mental health.
4. Connect with friends! Use social media and FaceTime to make those calls or check-ins that you normally don’t have the time or energy for.
5. Have a drink or 7! No one said you have to be home with your whole family and be sober the whole time. Don’t do that to yourself.
6. And finally, calm the off down! Your panic attacks and overthinking will almost certainly not add anything positive or helpful to your current situation so just calm. down!
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