Why You Need Some Mom Friends Now

Being a Mom is HARD

This mom life ain’t easy. Like, at all. It’s literally the hardest thing I’ve ever attempted to do and that’s probably because it requires a long term commitment and comes with zero instructions. I remember leaving the hospital with my first daughter and being blown away that they even allowed me to take her like I knew what I was doing! That’s just negligence on their part, but somehow we survived.

As we move through mom life, learning, and making mistakes as we go, it’s hard not to feel like you’re drowning. We are not only responsible for the physical well being of our children, but also their nutrition, clothing them, their emotional well being, making sure they are happy, stimulated, and socialized, all while holding full-time jobs, maintaining romantic, familial, and professional relationships. Oh and somehow we have to also fulfill our own hopes and wishes. It’s a lot. It’s too much if you ask me. You will drown if you try to manage it all on your own, and that’s why you need mom friends.

When Mom Friends Make a Difference

Back in July, I posted about the importance of cultivating and nurturing female friends as adults because those relationships are crucial, but you also need some mom friends sprinkled in there somewhere. Don’t get me wrong, I love my girl friends without kids, but the conversations about my struggles as a mother hit differently when speaking to someone who is also just as beat up and abused by motherhood as I am. We share the stories behind our (figurative) black and blue bruises caused by demanding toddlers, fussy babies and nocturnal infants. There is no better feeling than being on the brink of insanity, telling your mom friend what’s going on and getting a “Girl, we went through that with lil Jabari two months ago. I know how you feel!”. In moments like those, I feel seen and honestly… normal. And that feeling of normalcy is so important when you’re in the trenches of motherhood because most days it feels like everything but normal!

But most importantly, mom friends are usually a safe space away from mom guilt and the burden of being blessed by motherhood. Let me explain. I think the world likes to portray motherhood in a certain light. We are oftentimes shamed into not saying how we truly feel in order to not be ‘cancelled’ and what we truly feel is that motherhood sucks.

It’s important to be able to say, “sometimes I don’t like being a mom,” and all of the other ugly things you feel deep down inside but aren’t allowed to say. With your mom friends, you can express these feelings without having to spend 5 minutes apologizing or invalidating your previous statements with the “But I really do love my kids so much…. I realize I’m so blessed to have them… I don’t hate my husband… I really do love being a mom! I swear!” speech. Moms get it. You can love your children and still want to run away and never come back. It’s okay, sis, me too!

Where to Find Mom Friends

Some of us are blessed to have childhood or long time friends who double as girl-friends and mom friends. Some of us are not, but don’t worry! It is still possible to make good mom friends as an adult. In case you’re wondering where to find these women, I have a few ideas for you.

First of all, don’t underestimate the power of social media, embrace it! When I moved from IL to AZ two years ago, I ended up moving away from almost all of my mom friends. Because of this, I ended up leaning heavily into social media and technology to foster and cultivate new friendships with moms like me. A lot of the mom friends I have are relationships through social media and texting. It is definitely a different dynamic than an in-person relationship but it is still possible to have a deep, meaningful connection with someone who you don’t see face to face. You can also make friends with the parents of your children’s friends. Start by inviting them over for a birthday party or offering a play date during school pick up. I realize that currently, we are in a global pandemic and that might not be possible, so save this tip for later. You can also rely on cousins or in-laws who are mothers for a connection. These are often the best types of mom relationships because the familiar bond is like a ready-made relationship.

The Kinds of Mom Friends You’ll Meet

While on your journey of meeting different women and making friends, you’ll realize that there are a lot of different types of mom friends. Here are a few of my favorites.

The Cautious Mom: Always brings the first aid kit, extra snacks, and is constantly keeping watch. If you guys take the kids out you will catch her periodically counting heads to make sure no one is left behind. She has Lysol wipes and hand sanitizer 24/7 and is prepared for anything. You’ll always trust this mom to watch your kids. Nothing goes down on her watch.
The Fun Mom: This mom is always down for a trip to the children’s museum, the zoo, Chuck E. Cheese, or any kid activity. She is often the fun aunt who keeps toys at her house, even after her kid doesn’t need them. Not too often will you see this mom overwhelmed, she genuinely loves to play with kids, interact with them, and see them happy. This is the mom you want to do things with because her energy makes everyone have a great day.
The IDGAF Mom: This mom day drinks during the playdate, the park, the family dinner, wherever! She is always down for some moms only fun, ready to vent and let down her hair. She doesn’t care about being politically correct or making sure everything looks perfect. She’s just loving her kids and trying to survive. This type of mom friend is one of the best to have. You don’t have to pretend or hide things from her in fear of judgment. She’ll never judge you because her life is a dumpster fire too!
The Motivated Mom: This mom has a plan for everything. She’s the queen of schedules, checklists, and itineraries. Being friends with her is nice because she keeps you on track. Just being around her reminds you of the doctor’s appointment you need to schedule, the books you should buy your kids and when you need to donate the clothes they have grown out of. Sometimes being her friend can be intimidating because it seems like she has it all together, but the good thing is that she’s always ready to help.

Which type of mom friend are you? I think I’m a combination of the IDGAF mom and the fun mom. Let me know your thoughts below! Has there been a time when your mom friend felt like a lifeline? Share this with her and tell her how much you adore her friendship!