This piece is written by guest author and creator of The Outlet Series on Youtube, Rashanda Boone Mitchum. Rashanda is a 29-year-old, career woman living in Chicago. She has been married to her husband for 8 months and offers a very important view on marriage and the transition from single to unit as a millennial woman.
Hi, My name is RaShanda Boone- Mitchum. Some may know me as R Theee Original, Creator/Host of The Outlet Series on YouTube or Founder of A Brand Called Purpose Foundation. However, one of my proudest titles is WIFE to an amazing man. Our theme for our wedding was #MitchumMerger and Oh Boy, a merger it was!
Being a Millennial wife and living in a generation where you can look up LITERALLY everything, you’ll come across so many “How To’s” on how to be the “perfect wife”. Well, I’ll add one more to the list of recommendations; STOP TRYING TO BE PERFECT! Being married is not about capturing perfection but building a solid partnership through your many imperfections. Though I am very new to this, I strive to remain very true to this; choosing to love the same person harder, deeper, more wisely & willingly each day! I like to think of it as waking up a daily optimist.
I think there has been some common misconception as to what roles each significant other is expected to play in sustaining a “millennial marriage.” In my observance, I think we put too much emphasis behind the term millennial vs. honing in on the actual work that goes into a marriage. I have often asked myself, is there a such thing as a proper way to balance the expectation of living & loving in modern day society without abandoning the original purpose behind the institution of marriage? Is modern love a thing; or is love…just love? I feel like for women society tries to feed us this notion that in order to completely submit to love, we have to lose ourselves in the process; we have to sacrifice “I” for the sake of becoming a “US.” Ladies, Is it too much to believe that we can somehow have it all?
Transitioning into the wife role: Honeymoon Stage
Only 8 months in, I have personally found this to be the most difficult struggle throughout this journey. Sometimes it feels like an ongoing battle within myself. How might you ask? Well, it’s been between the old me vs. new me! Old me includes old habits, old routines, old people & how much of the old me am I willing to let die in order to create a new life with someone else. I know, tough, right? After all, I spent a lot of time getting to know RaShanda Boone; what she likes, what she wants, what drives her. Now I have to learn all of this about another person while also keeping myself intact? Whew Chile, the mental exhaustion. I guess my biggest fear was that if I decided to invest as much into Someone else, would that other someone be neglected; would that someone be me?
However, through much prayer, many tests, countless mistakes & various victories, I am learning that it’s quite the opposite. Loving and submitting to my husband & this love is one of the purest forms of Godly love as well as self-love. After all, we are one! I mentioned the word, submit a little earlier. I know that word submission can sound a little scary and belittling for some that may be misinformed or unknowledgeable on the subject matter. However, in an authentic loving relationship, submission is not meant to be demeaning but for development. I am learning that’s it’s okay to be under a covering! It’s ok to scoot over & be co-pilot! Although Marriage goals are sometimes hard to merge together, I found that the efforts in trying to be more collaborative with my husband have made me more of a fighter!
However, through much prayer, many tests, countless mistakes & various victories, I am learning that it’s quite the opposite. Loving and submitting to my husband & this love is one of the purest forms of Godly love as well as self-love. After all, we are one! I mentioned the word, submit a little earlier. I know that word submission can sound a little scary and belittling for some that may be misinformed or unknowledgeable on the subject matter. However, in an authentic loving relationship, submission is not meant to be demeaning but for development. I am learning that’s it’s okay to be under a covering! It’s ok to scoot over & be co-pilot! Although Marriage goals are sometimes hard to merge together, I found that the efforts in trying to be more collaborative with my husband have made me more of a fighter!
As my mindset begins to evolve, more questions arise like ok well what more can I do to fully embrace this new development? How do we truly & successfully co-exist? Do I always go along to get along OR is there a more effective way to establish a solid language of understanding with the man God assigned to love me? How can I turn all of my questions into acts of maturity? Well, it wouldn’t be an Outlet Series perspective without a few tips through my daily practices. Here we go:
- You can only give your partner your best by being your best self. I have found that I am at my best when I am forming & working towards some individual goals alongside my marital goals. This allows me to condition my mental, emotional and spiritual muscle. When I feel stronger, it produces confidence & sense of purpose in me that makes our home life more amicable.
- Do NOT get caught up in the expectation of the “Honeymoon Phase” when you first get married. Honestly, I’d like to consider the first year of marriage (maybe even longer) to be an adjustment period. You’re adjusting to a new life and being exposed to every part of someone who is destined to evolve over and over again. The merger can get a little complicated and you’re not going to always feel “Honeymoonish” every second of every day. Don’t let that deter you from the vowels you stated, the goals you set together and the blessings that are to follow your contributions to your foundation.
- Grow with your test. Remember that there are always some helpful takeaways from each test you face together. Some are lessons in communication, some are lessons in trust, some are lessons in responsibility and some are just trials that test your level of commitment. In these times you have to ask yourself, “Will I let these things break us or build us up?” Always pray for direction.
I view marriage as a risky investment that can tempt you to repeatedly ask, “What if it all goes wrong?” However, I also believe that with real love, real-time & real work, you can be inspired to conjure up hope in all the things you have to gain! Marriage is teaching me how to deal with my reality without easily folding when it comes to the ugly parts! This journey that I’m on is turning out to be the hardest, most challenging, joyous & uniquely satisfying experience of my life. No take backs!
-R Thee Original
Thank you so much for reading! And a huge thank you to Mrs. Boone-Mitchum for writing a guest post on my site! You can find out more about Rashanda on her Facebook page. Make sure to stay caught up on The Outlet Series on Youtube. Here Rashanda is using her talents as an orator to preach positivity and encouragement to youth in a meaningful, relatable way. She continues to do this through her foundation, A Brand Called Purpose.
Let’s support each other!
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