Back in 2014 I learned a valuable lesson about #relationshipgoals and #couplegoals. To put it simply, they are bedtime stories millennials tell themselves so they feel better about their romantic futures. Now, millennials aren’t the only group of people who covet the relationships of others, but we are the ones who make hashtags about it! Anyway, I am a millennial so I’m familiar with our ways.
As a kid of a single mother, who has gone to therapy for daddy issues, I grew up searching for the ideal relationship. The relationships of older relatives, friends and even characters on TV were my source material for what I did and did not want. A lot of us ended up being this way.This could be due to the higher divorce rates in the 80’s & 90’s or the crack epidemic and subsequent war on drugs, that resulted in many relationships of people of color, ending in separation, divorce, death, abandonment or incarceration. Whatever the reason, a lot of people in my age group, 26-40 years old, grew up in single parent households, jaded and still wonder if traditional marriage and committed relationships are even still possible.
This upbringing, coupled with the fact that society still idolizes marriage, creates the fantasization of celebrity relationships. Enter #relationshipgoals. Don’t get me wrong, I know that celebrity couples have always been fetishized, coveted and studied. This was taking place long before us millennials arrived but, my theory is, each generation has a different relationship with celebrity. So in 2014, when Solange bust Jay-Z upside the head over his treatment of her sister and then the release of Beyonce’s Lemonade album in 2016, the walls of #relationshipgoals started to come down for me, and a lot of people. “Wow, even Beyonce gets cheated on!” “All men really do cheat, even when their wife is an icon.” was pretty much the sentiment a lot of us shared. So now that this Will smith, Jada Pinket and August Alsina drama has emerged, a lot of us are intrigued, slightly shocked, but not hurt that another one of our larger than life celebrity couples appears to have a chink in their chain.
To be honest, this situation is nuanced. At this point in time there is still a lot we do not know, as Jada recently announced a Red Table Talk will be dedicated to the subject. Because of that I won’t speak on it too much. Instead I want to call out our human tendency to covet what others have. It happens to almost every aspect of our lives. We see someone on social media and think of how perfect their relationship, job, friendships, even their appearance is, but in reality we do not know what they are truly dealing with.
The great lengths people go through to hide the truth of their reality. We end up coveting the manicured, picturesque version of their life, not knowing their dark secrets. When I catch myself doing this, I think about situations like Beyonce & Jay Z, Robin Williams and many others who have shown us that a picture perfect life can just as easily be hell on earth too.
You should never lust after someone’s life because with their life comes their problems. If you could actually trade places with someone, would you? A lot of people probably would choose riches and fame over their current situation. As for me, I believe the devil you know is better than the devil you don’t. But the lives of the rich and famous aren’t the only ones other’s wish for. I believe that our current society is probably more disenchanted with celebrity than ever before.
Now, our main source of lust and longing for another life comes from social media. In this technological age we spend a lot of time consuming images and short descriptions of the lives of those around us. It’s not hard to take the stories these posts create at face value and believe that what’s on social media is real life, when that usually isn’t the case. Just like celebrities, people present their best selves online and leave out most of the dirty details.
Just keep this in mind.
Try to be happy with your own life instead of wishing for another person’s situation.
If you work hard to improve your life and be your best self, things will improve. You might never be rich but you can be happy and fulfilled if you invest in yourself and those around you.
Girlll has struggled hard in the beginning of my marriage because I wanted it to be like what I saw or read about. But I’ve learned that our marriage is special and unique because it’s ours.. no need to compare or wish. I think it’s important to remember we don’t know what happens behinds closed doors or what couple have been through. No need to hope, wish and pray on others. Focus on your own
Goals are subjective and what’s good for the goose isn’t always well u get the rest but as long as the relationship is happy and healthy then it’s relationship goals
I agree!!! Social Media create unrealistic standards as to how your relationship should look or feel. Great information!
I always tried to emulate what I thought was good girlfriend….be helpful, don’t complain, cook, clean and be that dual role of freak/lady, don’t ask questions, submit!!! Boy was I wrong. You can’t loose yourself in search of a good relationship! But your right individual improvements, personality checks, and learn to be happy with yourself so you don’t inflict your past issues on your new man or woman!!
Society (mostly social media and the whole #goals) has created and sadly perpetuated a false perception of marriage. Everyone’s relationship or concept of marriage looks different – it really isn’t a one size fits all. People marry for the wrong reasons and engage in this insane performative behavior online based on what they think the perfect marriage is.
Those last two sentences are so powerful! Great blog! Keep up the good work! 👏🏽
Yes! As long as we can be a good steward over what God has given us we will be just fine!Thank you for reading 🙂