Benefits of Female Friendships in Adulthood

No promises this won’t turn into a love letter to my best friend of 20+ years… 

Ladies, I’d like to use this moment to call on a shared coming of age experience I know we’ve all had. At some point in our adolescence, around sophomore year in high school for some of us, boys took over our brains. I was never really ‘boy crazy’, but I remember watching a lot of my female friends lose their ever-loving minds at this age. Having a boyfriend and losing your virginity was the end all be all. I’m going to blame Disney movies and TV for this because of their emphasis on the importance of romantic relationships in movies for young girls. 

For some reason, girls at this age could only talk about boys, only think about how to see boys, talk to boys and kiss boys, which often resulted in fighting over boys. Around this time I saw a lot of friends ditch their girls to hang out with a guy and this behavior was normalized. But I’m proud to say I never subscribed to that and thank god! Back then, my best friend and I would never cancel our plans because a boy decided to give us attention, we made our friendship a priority and it set the foundation for a friendship that is more like family in the present day. 

If I’m being honest, my relationship with her actually strengthens my marriage and this is why I advocate for women to continue to foster their female friendships in adulthood. Having her in my life helps me not become completely sucked into codependency with my husband, which is something I do not want but with age becomes almost a default setting for most. This is to no fault of their own. Many female friendships fall apart over men, busy schedules, long distance and many other factors, which is sad because they are so crucial to our mental health and overall well being. But life happens and this is why a lot of people just don’t have close friendships. 

I love my husband but we would turn into the war of roses if we didn’t have time apart. Couples, especially couples who live together, need to cultivate interests outside of their partner. It’s not healthy to only spend time with your husband. That relationship is extremely important, afterall you did make a vow to dedicate your life until death to that union, but that doesn’t mean friendships are expendable. Balance is the key. 

Having a close female friend is beneficial for some many reasons 

1. Someone to talk about girl stuff with – My husband could literally care less that home decor is 25% off at Target and I want more throw pillows. He also does not care that I’m thinking about getting highlights in my hair. Sure he will listen to this stuff if I told him, he might even feign excitement for a few seconds, but these conversations are much better when talking to someone who genuinely cares and has something to add. 
2. Someone to do weird things with – My husband just isn’t the type to want to recreate TikTok dance videos, or try on prom dresses at the mall for no reason. This is why you need friends. They love doing all the weird stuff husbands just don’t! 
3. Someone to vent to – I could complain to my husband about every dumb thing he does but that wouldn’t bode so well for our marriage. Instead he gets about 35% of my nagging, I keep some of it to myself but the rest, I save for girls night. There’s nothing like bitching about your guy to your best girl friends!
4. Someone who only requires friendship from me – Every relationship I’m in is full of hard work, expectations and serious consequences if I do not fulfill my duties. My roles as an employee, wife, and mother are all full time jobs. My relationship with my best friend feels like a mini vacation from all of that. I’m only expected to laugh, be myself and be loved. 

I’m not saying I don’t get love or fulfillment from any other relationships. I’m simply stating that friendships are special because they give you so much without feeling like work. Those moments when I am surrounded by friends recharge, inspire and heal me from the stress of my everyday life. My friendships with all of my girl friends have been so crucial to my survival. I cannot imagine where I would be in life without their support and help.

I pray that adolescence is different for my daughters or that they follow in my footsteps and continue to put energy into their friendships even as their hormones rise. Now, more than ever, I am so appreciative that I didn’t let silly high school love and puberty ruin what has been the longest relationship of my life and taught me that friendships hold value. I learned how to be a friend and how the love for the women around me indirectly improves every part of my life. 

So to all of my friends and my sister-soulmate bestie boo, I love you! Till death!

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