The journey to the altar begins well before you get a ring on your finger. In my opinion, it begins before you even enter a relationship! The ability to attract the matrimonial bliss you’ve always wanted lies in you and you alone. Before you even think about getting that ring you need to get yourself in line. Here are 8 things you can do to help get to the altar.
1. Learn to cook (Guy’s this one is for you too!)
This was the first step I took when I decided to become serious about my future. I was a single college student, living alone in my first apartment when I decided to take the initiative to learn how to cook all of the meals my mother would cook for me as a child. I don’t have a love or passion for cooking to this day, but learning to cook is an important part of becoming an adult. Outside of providing sustenance, it involves budgeting for weekly or bi-weekly grocery trips, saves money spent on takeout, planning out nutritious meals and learning how to care for yourself. This tip isn’t just for the women either. Both of my brothers know how to cook, one even went to culinary school! In today’s society, women usually work outside of the home along with the men so men should be able to join their woman in the kitchen if it’s requested!
2. Become Financially Stable
Before you even think about marrying someone you should have your finances in order. This doesn’t mean you should be completely debt free, making 6 figures and have $50K in savings (if you do, let’s chat soon) but you should be stable. Meaning, you are employed, have a savings account with a savings plan, and aren’t writing bad checks or depending on frequent bailouts from your parents/ grandparents. All of us make mistakes and need a little help now and again, but keep in mind that when you are married and start a family you will have others depending on you. By then these situations (ideally) will be few and far between. Make sure you bring something to the table!
3. Cut ties to messy people
This might be the most important step! Before you think about dating someone seriously, you need to take a look at your circle and remove all of the messy people from your life. The messy people I am referring to are Ex’s, friends with benefits, and people who like you but aren’t serious about dating you. It’s important to identify these people so that you can make clear decisions moving forward.
That friend that you like but won’t commit to dating you is distracting you from finding the person who actually wants the same things you want when you want them. Keeping that Ex in your life is a source of unnecessary temptation and drama, two things that could be the downfall of any serious relationship or marriage you may go on to have. Don’t block your blessings. Trim the fat now!
4. Clean up your friend circle
This step goes hand in hand with the last. You need to identify those around you who may be negatively affecting your decision-making process or worse, secretly plotting on your demise. Negative friends, who want you to be single and miserable like them, will constantly tell you to break up with your partner after every small transgression, they will plot on your relationship and even try to break it up. Make sure you pay attention to the type of advice your friends get, the vibes they give off and decide if their support is genuine. The last thing you want is to allow a frienemy’s bad vibes destroy your life. #GoodVibesOnly
5. Establish a non-romantic 5-year plan and put it into action
I’m a firm believer that you should have goals and wants for your own life that isn’t motivated by love or the wants of another person. In today’s society, women aren’t waiting until a man rescues them to start living and men shouldn’t wait until they have found a wife to think of a plan. Before you even think about dating seriously you should be taking yourself seriously! I know, no one has everything figured out but coming up with a plan and setting goals signifies that you are at least working towards having it all figured out. So, finish school, learn a trade, get a job, get promoted and get both feet firmly planted on the ground! Being financially stable, happy and independent will do wonders for your future marriage.
6. Do a self-evaluation and reflect on past relationships.
A lot of us have had a list of qualities we look for in a mate. This, along with a person’s outside appearance help us identify our ‘type’. There is nothing wrong with having an idea of what you do and don’t like, but sometimes we get too hung up on our type. Think of it this way, if you’ve been dating your type and it hasn’t worked out maybe your type is doing more harm than good. Some people will turn down anyone who doesn’t fit the mold of what they think the ideal mate is, which could lead to them passing up a really great person. Before your next relationship, take a look at your past partners and really try to identify what went wrong. Opening yourself up to new things might be whats best.
7. Be optimistic about dating but not stupid
Many relationship mishaps can be avoided if we stop avoiding red flags. This takes a lot of discipline though. In the beginning, it’s easy to fall in love with the person who is new, fun & exciting. A lot of times we want something to work out so badly, for fear of being alone or for the need of affection, but that can lead to us ignoring the signs that the person in front of us will become a big headache down the line. You have to find a balance between pessimism and optimism while dating. You can’t be blindly optimistic just like you can’t be detrimentally negative. Things like a messy co-parent situation and shady family members are red flags that shouldn’t be ignored vs him/her being a comic book geek is something you might be able to work with. But these are just examples. You’ll have to work on your own discernment to figure out what should be a deal breaker and end it there and then.
8. Learn to date with the right purpose
I had to stick the word ‘right‘ in there because I want to separate this from the idea of ‘dating with a purpose‘. This refers more to being in a relationship when the goal of both parties involved is marriage, 100%. When I say dating with the right purpose I’m more so speaking on discovering what you want and why before moving forward. Before you decide to date seriously you have to ask yourself a few questions. Are you ready to get married? emotionally, financially, mentally? Or are you just trying to keep up with your peers who are in relationships? Are you in a relationship just so you won’t be single? or is the relationship you are in healthy and in line with your life goals? Having a positive, genuine motivation will lead you in the right direction where a superficial desperation will lead to your demise.
I like this. If it's a goal, put the plans in action to get there!
Well, you are so right B…!!
def needed some of these tips because me and my bf are planning on getting engaged soon! X