5 Tips for First Time Dads

Adjusting to life as a parent can be a bit jarring for anyone but even more so for fathers. As women, we get very used to and comfortable with the idea of motherhood from an early age. We care for dolls as children and mimic the nurturing nature of our mothers and grandmothers. Most of the woman-targeted media display motherhood or the journey to becoming a wife and mother so we are groomed for this life. We have seen it, we have easy access to a wealth of knowledge through either our elders, film, and movies, or our friends. As you know, in this country boys are not raised the same way so fatherhood might be something that takes a little more adjusting to. My baby brother recently became a father to twins and I’m writing this with him in mind. Although the boys in our society don’t grow up fathering dolls and even though they don’t know what it’s like to carry life, there are still plenty of ways to bond with your newborn baby and ease yourself into fatherhood.

Here are 5 Tips for First Time Dads

Familiarize yourself with baby development stages

Being a first-time parent is fun (when it’s not nerve-wracking). Familiarizing yourself with the development stages your baby will go through will do two major things for you: 1. You will feel more confident in parenting, especially when you are alone with the baby or taking the baby to doctor’s appointments without your partner. 2. You will know where your expectations will lie. For instance, Some dads might think their baby is unhappy or doesn’t like them because they aren’t smiling but most babies don’t intentionally smile until they are around 3 months old. You don’t have to be an expert or memorize the What To Expect app articles, but having a general knowledge of what to expect at each stage is helpful. Also, google is your best friend. Blogs like mine, Parents.com, and Facebook parent groups are great resources for when you have questions.

Explore ways to strengthen your bond with baby

Most mothers have an immediate and natural bond with their baby. Babies just naturally want their mom. After all, they did just spend 9 months listening to her heart beat, her voice and being literally inside of her body. But this doesn’t mean a strong connection with the dad is impossible. Here are a few ways you can help spark and maintain that connection from birth. 1. After the labor, do skin to skin. Moms do this and so can dads. Just sit with your baby on your chest while you are shirtless. It helps them become familiar with your scent, thus strengthening your bond. 2. Change diapers! This will be something you will do multiple times a day for many years. Changing your baby’s diaper is an activity that you two will do alone, and this will increase familiarity as well as trust. 3. Feeding your baby. For breastfed babies, this might be few and far between, but in those moments when the baby is taking a bottle of expressed milk or formula, it is a good bonding experience for the dads to feed their baby. This becomes easier when the baby is starting solid foods. This, like diaper changing, increases trust and familiarity. It also relieves some pressure from us, moms, from being the only one the baby associates with food and comfort.

Be flexible with taking on new roles for a while

Having a baby changes everything for a woman, which in turn means it will change everything for you. Your partner may be healing from birth or complications from the pregnancy, adjusting to a demanding breastfeeding/pumping schedule, or trying to work through postpartum depression, all while navigating life as a new mom. This means your household flow, sleep schedules, mood swings and relationship roles will be in limbo for a while. The best thing you can do is to be ready for anything. Let go of any ideas you might have about how things will go after the baby arrives because this will prevent your expectations from being shattered. Go with the flow, and try to handle everything life and that baby or babies, will throw at you. So this means you might have to start cooking more meals if you normally don’t, you might have to do more cleaning or sleep in shifts so that you both can be rested. It also means you might have less time to do the activities you normally would like playing video games, hanging out with friends or going to the gym. Just try to remember that the compromises and changes you make will be temporary and you are doing it for a great reason. You will eventually be able to find the time to do everything you want to do again.

Be familiar with your partners birth plan or wishes

A lot of times, us women have plans for the big day. Many of us go as far as typing out a birth plan that includes everything we want to be done. This can include whether or not we want drugs, who can be in the room if we want a mirror to be able to watch the birth etc. Every OB/GYN and nurse will humor this list but also tell you, births have a tendency to go in a completely different direction than you had planned. Even still, it is important for you as the partner to be familiar with this list, or just what your partner wants in general so you can be their advocate at that moment. When we are crazy with pain, fatigue or medication, this is when we need you the most. You might think the labor part is not something you can take part in but it absolutely is. We want you there to witness the miracle of your child being born but also to take care of us and make sure at least some of our wants are actualized.

Don’t ever complain to the bearer of children. Seriously

This is my final and maybe the most important part. During the third trimester, active labor, after we give birth, or just in general, be mindful of your complaining. We just honestly don’t want to hear it. Or at least I did not! You simply aren’t as tired as a person who just passed a 6+ lbs baby through her vaginal canal. You simply aren’t in as much pain as a pregnant woman who has had a 6+lbs baby kicking her in the ribs all day while she worked 8hrs like everybody else. You simply aren’t as stressed as a woman trying to figure out breastfeeding for the first time, with a screaming newborn and cracked/ bleeding nipples. Your feelings are valid and very real, I understand, but if you don’t want to have something thrown at you, be cursed out, or deal with a hormonal woman’s attitude all day, just be quiet about your bad knee and your bad night of sleep.

So that is my list of tips to help new dads! I hope you find it helpful. Please feel free to leave some additional tips below to help out all the new dads like my baby brother, who I guess isn’t a baby anymore since he has some of his own! Congrats to the new parents, much love from big sis!